It’s the summer of the pandemic and an election. What will the political slogans look like?
By Frank Pignanelli & LaVarr Webb
Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer. Each summer is unique. LaVarr is so old he actually remembers the “Summer of Love” (1967) when he was in high school — although Provo was quite the opposite of Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco.
Frank has enjoyed many memorable summers. Many of them are a little fuzzy — although nothing as hardcore as what they did in Haight-Ashbury.
The summer of 2020 will go down in history as the “Summer of Pandemic” — a summer unlike any of us have ever experienced. Nevertheless, life — and politics — must go on. The warm weather brings the sprint to the June 30 primary election, and voters will be inundated over the next few weeks with TV, radio, print and social media ads.
We thought candidates might need a little help developing catchy messages that really attract attention after Memorial Day. So, we’re offering a few slogans. No cost to use.
Jon Huntsman Jr. for governor: “I lived in Beijing. I lived in Moscow. I lived in Washington, D.C. So, I am never leaving Utah again. Never. I repeat, never.”
Spencer Cox for governor: “I am proud to lead the COVID-19 Task Force and the state into the recovery phase of yellow/green — which happen to be my campaign colors. Can’t argue with fate.”
Greg Hughes for governor: “Utah needs Hughes. He throws strongest punch. Early Trump supporter. Best Hair.”
Thomas Wright for governor: “Former chair of Utah Republican Party. There is no better crisis management training. And I have the funniest TV ads.”
Chris Peterson for governor: “Bank regulator. Law professor. Finally, a boring Utah Democrat.”
John Dougall for auditor: “The auditor Utah needs. I terrify government agencies and bureaucrats. I frighten recipients of taxpayer dollars. I scare Democrats from challenging me.”
Brian Fabbi for auditor: “Church accountant. It takes a lot of faith to lead the Utah United ticket.”
David Damschen for treasurer: “Just enjoying a smooth, unopposed ride. See ya at the victory party in November.”
Rep. Rob Bishop for lieutenant governor: “Good News. The commercials are correct. Wright has bright ideas, but I have the judgement (and hair).”
Victor Iverson for lieutenant governor: “It is great to be part of the Trump-flavored Hughes campaign. I can say or do anything and no one is shocked.“
Lieutenant governor candidate Deidre Henderson: “I am ready to be lieutenant governor. Eight years in the state Senate taught me how to quietly succeed without offending.”
Lieutenant governor candidate Michele Kaufusi: “History repeats. Remember the last time Huntsman picked a local official from Utah County as a running mate.”
Sean Reyes for attorney general: “Hey, Trump endorsed me. ’Nuff said.”
David Leavitt for attorney general: “The only candidate with the courage to keep his beard during the campaign.
Greg Skordas for attorney general: “Led the real-life Utah version of ‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.’ Try to beat that.”
Utahns for Trump: “We need a president with great courage ... and a stomach of steel who can consume hydroxychloroquine.”
Utahns for Joe Biden: “Biden and Trump may confuse facts, stumble over phrases, reconfigure history, suffer issues with harassment and speak too long. But Biden is nicer at it.”
Ben McAdams for Congress: “I survived COVID-19. Working to represent all Utahns. COVID-19 Survivor. Member of bipartisan Coalition of Problem Solvers. Did I mention I survived COVID-19.”
John Curtis for Congress: “I respect Utah voters. I gave you the best campaign commercial of 2020.”
Chris Stewart for Congress: “Squashing socialists and Chinese communists wherever I can find ’em!”
Kael Weston, Democratic candidate for 2nd Congressional District, and Devin Thorpe, Democratic candidate for 3rd Congressional District: “Supported by over 80% of convention delegates. What a victory! ... From there on it has been all downhill.”
Four Republican candidates in the 1st Congressional District: “We need a (man/woman) who can maintain the (legacy/tradition) that Rob Bishop brought to our district, but I promise to wear (socks/no sweaters).”
Four Republican candidates in the 4th Congressional District: “We need a (man/woman) who can (defeat/ obliterate) McAdams and go to Washington to (punish Pelosi/ blow up the deep state) and (seek bipartisan solutions/ preserve conservative values)
Democratic candidates in the 1st Congressional District: “Counting on another blue wave. It could happen. It really could.”
Republican incumbent legislative candidates: “This is the time for all of us to come together and solve problems. So let’s forget all those tax reform votes.”
Democratic legislative candidates: “We are doing what needs to be done: Nitpicking, second-guessing and Monday morning quarterbacking.”
Outside left-wing special interest groups: “Defend the Constitution and American values. Dump Trump. Vote Democrat.”
Outside right-wing special interest groups: “Defend the Constitution and American values. Fight Pelosi. Vote Republican.”
All Utah politicians: “Unite in providing self-esteem to those suffering incurable cluelessness. Be kind and read Pignanelli/Webb each Sunday.