Pignanelli and Webb: A little light reading: The shortest books ever written

Pignanelli & Webb: After a rough winter — both politically and meteorologically — Utahns are ready for sunshine, flowers and spring. Because you may not have time for much reading this general conference weekend, we graciously provide a new list of “The Shortest Books Ever Written:”

"The importance of respecting personal space," by former Vice President Joe Biden

“The best of my substantive and detailed responses,” by Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway

“How to succeed in business and politics with humility, modesty, compassion and meekness,” by President Donald Trump

“High profile Democrats who are NOT running for president in 2020,” by Tom Perez,Democratic national chair

“Exemplary coverage of Trump by CNN, Washington Post, CNBC and The New York Times,” by Trump press secretary Sarah Sanders

“The principles of classic conservatism guiding the Trump administration,” by former House Speaker Paul Ryan

“Mentoring and getting out of the way of younger Democrats,” by Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Minority Leader Chuck Schumer

“The virtues of free-market capitalism,” by Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

“Essays promoting logical reason and thought,” by the Utah Republican Central Committee

"Why everyone should be a social conservative," by Troy Williams, executive director of Equality Utah

"Joyful experiences in the 2019 legislative session," by Speaker Brad Wilson

"Why I get bored with excessive tweeting," by Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox

"My love of arcane rules and internal party politics," by soon-to-be-former GOP Chair Rob Anderson

“Reasons we should cut taxes for rich people,” by Sen. Bernie Sanders

"A catalogue of times of tranquility and quiet in my life," by former speaker Greg Hughes

"Why I will miss interactions with legislators and city council members," by Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski

"Why governors should only serve two terms,” by Gov. Gary Herbert

“How supporting sales taxes on professional services enhances member relations," by the Salt Lake Chamber

"Transportation policy minutia I need to learn,"by Senate President Stuart Adams

“Movers, shakers and celebrities I have yet to hang with,” by Attorney General Sean Reyes

“The efficiency and productivity of the U.S. Congress,” by Sen. Mitt Romney

"The warm reception I received promoting a progressive agenda in Utah," by Daisy Thomas, chair of the Utah State Democratic Party

"Our expressions of appreciation to legislators for amending the Medicaid Expansion Initiative," by health care activists

“Citizen initiatives and why we love them,” by Utah Republican lawmakers

“The advantages of a 694-vote margin,” by Congressman Ben McAdams

“Why serving in Congress is better than a cable TV gig,” by former Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Mia Love

"Term limits — the only hope for America's democracy," by former Sen. Orrin Hatch

"Reasons you should never run for one office as a ploy to win another office,” by Salt Lake County Mayor Jenny Wilson

“Taxes, fees and revenue enhancements I really like," by Utah Taxpayers Association President Howard Stephenson

“Top reasons I wouldn’t be interested in serving as U.S. Secretary of the Air Force,” by Rep. Chris Stewart

“Why conservative principles are sexy,” by House Minority Leader Brian King

“Why the U.S. Constitution is archaic and should be rewritten,” by Sen. Mike Lee

“Top reasons Nancy Pelosi is a great speaker,” by Rep. John Curtis

“Expressions of love to Boyd Matheson for bumping us off the front page,” by Pignanelli & Webb (available only in adult stores because of language)

Editor's note: After reading the previous book, consider listening to its companion hit song, "Let It Go."

“Why states should be totally subservient to the federal government,” by Rep. Rob Bishop

“All the reasons to support same sex marriage,” by Gayle Ruzicka

"Why we love conservative Republicans, the LDS Church and the establishment," by the editorial page editor and writers of the Salt Lake Tribune

“The reasons riding bikes is for sissies,” by former Salt Lake Mayor Ralph Becker

“Utah sacred cows I’m unwilling to make fun of,” by Frank R. Pignanelli (actually, this is a postcard)

"Valuable lessons I learned from Frank,” by LaVarr Webb (a Post-it note)

A double volume: “The Wit & Wisdom of Pignanelli & Webb” and, “Why columnists make great husbands,” by their wives, D’Arcy and Jan