Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Politicians will be stylin’ on Halloween night

Pignanelli and Webb: By tapping into our usual reliable sources — CIA black ops, witch doctors, Fox News contributors, invasive drones, the investigators behind the Clinton-inspired Trump dossier, fortune tellers, the Dark Web, satellite imagery, WikiLeaks, the mafia (some of Frank’s relatives), the John Birch Society (some of LaVarr’s relatives), Twitter analytics, Utah lobbyist gossip (started by Frank) and faith-promoting Mormon rumors (started by LaVarr) — your columnists are able to reveal what key politicos will be (or should be) wearing on Halloween night.

President Donald Trump ordered White House staff to prepare an Armani Superman costume. He is confident he can defy political gravity, leap tall political hurdles and walls in America, despite the odds against him. So far, the Democrats and news media have failed to find enough Kryptonite to stop him.

Gov. Gary Herbert will be Willy Wonka. He loves to give tours explaining all the treats Utah can offer.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Chief of Staff John Kellywill be out on the streets trick-or-treating as the Power Rangers, “Keeping America from Chaos.”

Far-right nationalist Steve Bannon will be dressed as the “It” Clown — only he’s a lot scarier.

Vice President Mike Pence will also dress up as a clown — one of those with a shovel and wheelbarrow at the end of a horse parade — cleaning up the messes that spill out of the While House.

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox will be sporting a Gary Herbert mask because he enjoys having people say, “Hi, governor,” if even for a few hours.

Former Congressman and Fox News analyst Jason Chaffetz will trick-or-treat as Ron Burgundy — The Legend. A television newsman with personality.

Congresswoman Mia Love is dressing up as “Game of Thrones” queen Daenerys Targaryen because she overcomes all odds and has the political equivalent of dragons-high approval ratings.

Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams is trick-or-treating as the Incredible Hulk because he will need to transform from mild-mannered Bruce Bannon into a muscular giant for the tough congressional race.

Utah Democratic Party Chair Daisy Thomas will rather appropriately represent her party as a zombie — not entirely dead but not fully alive.

Utah Republican Party Chair Rob Anderson will rather appropriately represent his party as a penniless hobo.

In deference to the recent natural disasters, Utah Senator Curt Bramble will not be dressing up in his usual tornado/hurricane outfit, but will appear as the Energizer Bunny.

Hillary and Bill Clinton will be dressed as an aging Ken and Barbie couple that doesn’t know when to exit the stage. They are the perfect couple that does not make mistakes or need to apologize, and everyone else is to blame.

Attorney General Sean Reyes will be Dick Tracy, fighting crime with technology and keeping legal opinions hidden from pesky legislators.

Congressman Chris Stewart will be the brave, shy, patriotic soldier Captain America.

Mitt Romney will be the Night King from "Game of Thrones" because “Romney is Coming.”

Sen. Jeff Flake will be a kamikaze pilot, going down in a blaze of glory, taking one for the team.

Sen. Bob Corker will be Dr. Phil, offering forensic psychiatric analysis, especially on a certain president.

Sen. Orrin Hatch is the Wizard of Oz — or rather the man behind the curtain —manipulating the fate of Utah’s 2018 Senate seat.

House Speaker Greg Hughes will toss away his Genghis Khan costume and instead don the humble robe and sandals of Mother Teresa, but with one fashion accessory — boxing gloves — as he deals with homelessness in Salt Lake City.

Senate President Wayne Niederhauser is Yoda again this year. Unassuming but definitely in control of his environment is he.

This column once described him as “The Force," so it's only natural that State Auditor John Dougall will be costumed as Darth Vader as he continues to strike terror in small government agencies.

Salt Lake County Council member and U.S. Senate candidate Jenny Wilson is Dorothy, awaiting many perils as she travels down the yellow brick election road.

Former State Sen. Pat Jones, CEO of the Women’s Leadership Institute, will be Wonder Woman as she fights to elevate the numbers and stature of female leadership in Utah.

Sen. Mike Lee is Thor, using his hammer to smash any incidents of unconstitutional behavior.

Congressman Rob Bishop will dress up as James Madison, author of the 10th Amendment and the foremost champion of balanced federalism among the Founders.

House Minority Leader Brian King will be Wyatt Earp, eager to confront Republican rascals.

Senate Minority Leader Gene Davis wants to trick-or-treat as Confucius, stroking his beard as he offers wisdom on Medicaid expansion.

Pignanelli and Webb will be dressing as favorite potted plants, reflecting both their intelligence and personality.