Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Attacks on Romney and sugar — which is worse?

The legislative session has passed the halfway mark. During this intense time, Frank lives at the Capitol, while LaVarr observes from a safe distance. We discuss the hot issues, along with bizarre comments made by the Republican state chair about Mitt Romney. What are the prospects of the Legislature restoring the DUI blood alcohol content level from the current .05 back to .08, where it was previously?

Pignanelli: "Controversial proposals, once accepted, soon become hallowed." — Dean Acheson

Advocates of the lower threshold flaunt studies demonstrating that lives will be saved with the change — a real possibility. Also, studies from national transportation safety organizations document many road fatalities occur between 40 mph and 50 mph. Therefore, similar consideration must be given to a statewide speed limit of 40 mph — which would save many Utahns. But such consistency of analysis in this issue will suffer the same fate as my social life after the new law becomes effective. There just are not enough fellow imbibers on Capitol Hill to move any change.

Webb: It’s pretty simple. If you drink alcohol, don’t drive. Don’t become a highway hazard. A recent comprehensive report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine strongly recommended lowering the legal limit for DUI from .08 to .05 nationwide, as Utah did last year, although the law hasn’t taken effect yet.

This wasn’t a bunch of goody-goody teetotaling Mormon legislators harassing drinkers. It was a 520-page report by the nation’s top scientists and experts on the dangers of driving while impaired.

The report noted that drunk driving killed 10,500 people in 2016, 28 percent of total roadway deaths that year. The National Transportation Safety Board has also conducted a number of prominent studies making the same recommendation. The research concluded that essentially all drivers experience some level of impairment at the .05 level. Rep. Tim Quinn is moving legislation that would entirely eliminate the sales tax on food, while slightly raising the general sales tax to offset impact to the budget. Also, his bill restores the full sales tax on candy and other sugary products. Where is it going?

Pignanelli: Rep. Quinn has a serious problem — his bill makes too much sense. Taxes on food are horribly regressive on lower and middle income families. Generations from now our descendants will label sugar as the poison that killed millions of poor addicted Americans (I too suffer a sweet tooth). Quinn deserves kudos for fighting unfairness and unhealthiness.

Webb: As I’ve written previously, this is ill-advised legislation that should be composted with the rest of the garbage. The sales tax base is already shrinking and lawmakers are desperately trying to shore it up by taxing online sales and possibly services. The tax on food is already mostly gone, and low-income people won’t even notice a difference. Other ways exist to help them. Don’t destroy the tax base. The House has been struggling with marijuana bills, but eventually passed two bills related to medical marijuana. Will the use of pot in some fashion be legalized in Utah?

Pignanelli: Lawmakers have a legitimate fear that the initiative petition to legalize the use of marijuana could get on the ballot and pass in a general election. Some details of the petition are concerning to policymakers. Thus, there is a strong likelihood legislators will enact something to allow limited access to the forbidden plant. This will provide relief for hundreds of families, but deflect a perceived overbroad initiative.

Webb: It’s ridiculous that necessary studies haven’t been completed settling questions of marijuana medical benefits. We ought to be going on more than anecdotes. Regardless, medical marijuana will eventually be authorized in Utah — heavily regulated and monitored. There is talk of legislators giving teachers a very big raise. Will they?

Pignanelli: Lawmakers remain concerned about the Our Schools Now initiative to raise taxes for public education. Legislators have been increasing the Weighted Pupil Unit at admirable percentages, but such jargon means nothing to most voters. But placing more cash into their children’s teachers' wallet immediately resonates and gives pause to raise taxes through the initiative. Pretty shrewd.

Webb: Anything would be nice, but Utah won’t achieve education excellence with a token salary boost. Legislative funding for education in real dollars has been flat for many years. A substantial increase is needed for salaries and other proven enhancements. In a newspaper interview, GOP Chair Rob Anderson harshly criticized presumptive U.S. Senate candidate Mitt Romney. Is he crazy, or just a clown?

Pignanelli: Romney is the dream candidate who likely stops the “Blue Wave” in Utah, and could help non-incumbent GOP candidates down ballot. Yet, the Republican chairman launched personal attacks — more vicious than from any Democrat — against Utah’s favorite son. He should forget apologies and claim he is channeling Donald Trump. Or just plead insanity.

Webb: I have defended Rob Anderson, but his Romney comments parroting right-wing fringe people are indefensible. So much for Anderson’s efforts to woo mainstream Republicans. Here’s some advice to normal Republicans: Don’t give any money to a Republican Party with such irrational leadership.

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Legislative highs and lows, Romney’s run and city/state intrigue

With lawmakers busily adding pages to the Utah Code, Mitt Romney making an anticlimactic announcement this week and city leaders warily eyeing legislative ambition, there’s never a dull moment in Utah politics. Here are questions pondered by enquiring minds. Three weeks into the legislative session, how is the session going?

Pignanelli: “The legislator learns that when you talk a lot, you get in trouble. You have to listen a lot to make deals.” — Bob Woodward

Some lawmakers are commenting how constituents seem less interested in legislative activities this year, despite prodding through social media. The Washington circus is grabbing all the attention, so this perceived silence should be construed in a positive manner.

While the feds are busy congratulating each other for doing their job to avoid shutdowns, the Utah Legislature is performing some heavy lifting. Key lawmakers are intensely re-examining the business taxation system with a focus on 21st-century dynamics. While mind-numbing to follow, the results will be important. Also, Democrats and Republicans are partnering on a host of criminal justice, technology, health care and air quality issues.

Every session, the Capitol is flooded with thousands seeking state appropriations for worthy (and some questionable) projects. Increasingly, lawmakers are demanding quantifiable “return on investment” metrics from requesters. This is dramatically changing the budget process, especially from the top.

Speaker Greg Hughes, a founding father of Operation Rio Grande, speaks eloquently of data analytics and computer dashboards to ensure success of this important project. Senate President Wayne Niederhauser offers compelling efficiency principles while advocating for the toll road in Little Cottonwood Canyon.

Political muscle must now be accompanied by an analytical brain.

Webb: Here are the valentines of the session: Sen. Wayne Harper and a lot of other forward-thinking lawmakers, along with transportation agencies and business groups, are transforming funding and governance of transportation infrastructure in Utah. SB 136 positions Utah for rapid population growth and will help prevent highway gridlock in the future. It is smart, progressive legislation that encourages multimodal transportation planning and will likely result in more much-needed funding for public transit. Niederhauser is also modernizing Utah’s tolling statutes to reduce congestion in Wasatch Front canyons and position Utah for the future. Nice job to all concerned.

Here are the session stinkers: Rep. Dan McCay is pushing the anti-John Curtis bill that would eliminate primaries in U.S. House special elections, throw voters off the party nomination bus and tie the governor’s hand in replacing a U.S. senator.

Here’s a novel idea: How about letting party voters choose party nominees?

Equally smelly is Rep. Mike Schultz’s bill that would reverse the will of voters if they raise taxes for education by supporting the Our Schools Now ballot proposal in November. It takes remarkable chutzpah to attempt to negate a vote of the people before you even know how the people will vote.

A final stinker is HB 148, which would eliminate the very small (1.75 percent) state sales tax on unprepared food at precisely the same time wise leaders are trying to broaden the tax base, not narrow it even more. The bill runs against every principle of good taxation policy. And it won’t make an iota of difference to low-income people.

If any of these bills pass, hopefully a gubernatorial veto will relegate them to the garbage bin of malodorous laws.

Mitt Romney is poised to enter the U.S. Senate race on Thursday. What are the local and national implications?

Pignanelli: Usually Americans ignore congressional elections outside their home state. But every generation offers a candidate who compels national attention as a possible game changer within their party (i.e., Robert F. Kennedy, 1968; Hillary Clinton, 2000). Romney is definitely in this category, as the GOP believes his gravitas will bend a worrisome direction in Washington.

Therefore, Utahns can expect extensive media coverage of the Romney campaign from the announcement to Election Day. A resulting positive is a new group of visitors will learn of Utah’s unique qualities — especially fry sauce.

Webb: If Romney runs a grass-roots, Utah-centric campaign up and down the state where he goes to the convention, really connects with Utahns and seeks to earn their votes, he will help other Republicans on the ballot (especially Rep. Mia Love), and we’ll feel like we’re electing a real Utahn.

If he runs an aloof, rose-garden campaign that relies on his star power and amounts to a coronation, he will still win. But it will be a big missed opportunity. Salt Lake City’s northwest quadrant is a big development opportunity. But the state and city visions for the area might spark a power struggle. Is the Legislature going to pull rank on the city?

Pignanelli: Mayor Jackie Biskupski inherited a troublesome legacy. Many Utahns, including city residents, view City Hall as a bureaucracy slow to move and unresponsive to necessary changes. Realizing the economic potential of this area for industry requires vision and flexibility, which state leaders believe the city does not possess. The mayor is trying to modify this judgment but has years of baggage to jettison.

Webb: With a new international airport, a potential global trade port, new infrastructure associated with the new state prison and enormous trucking and freight rail operations close by, the northwest quadrant has unlimited potential for manufacturing, distribution and intermodal activities.

The fight will be over governance, with the state likely to create some sort of authority that might usurp city zoning and taxation. Watch for a compromise to emerge.

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: The wild card in Utah political races — Trump

Media talking heads have sliced and diced the State of the Union speech. But questions remain how the speech and the unique chief executive who delivered it will impact our local elections. As quirky political nerds ourselves, we provide our perspectives. Utah campaign operatives are already planning how to deal with the Trump factor in this year's elections. How will Trump help or hinder Republicans and Democrats in Utah?

Pignanelli: "The distance between ‘controlled Trump’ and ‘unscripted Trump’ is greater than his predecessors.” — Frank Bruni

As locals know, the lake effect is an unpredictable weather phenomenon created by the Great Salt Lake. Similarly, the Donald Trump effect generates repeated unexpected challenges for all politicians.

Thus, both political parties need a risk assessment as to Trump — especially in Utah. LDS voter nervousness about Trump is reflected by the 46 percent he received in the 2016 election (lowest among red states). These concerns have not diminished. Candidates who snuggle close to the president will be fine, if there are no embarrassing revelations about Russia or other matters. But recent history suggests a different scenario is possible.

Democrats view Trump as a gift, but risk relying solely on animosity without detailing specific alternatives. Being mad is not enough. There's plenty of anger across the political spectrum. Democrats who understand how Trump got elected, and model campaigns accordingly, have a better chance.

Yet Utah candidates in both parties hazard alienating strident activists if they are deemed too bipartisan and not nasty enough. Like the lake effect, Trump will make the political weather unpredictable and interesting.

Webb: If, over the next nine months, Trump sticks to the policy themes and demeanor exhibited in his muscular, issue-oriented and sometimes-touching speech, Republicans will benefit from the Trump phenomenon. But it’s not likely Trump will exercise such discipline. Trump is Trump, and I will be surprised if he avoids petty scuffles, brash statements and vulgar comments. He usually quickly diverts attention even from his real successes.

So, as Republicans run in Utah, they will make the distinction between the personality and the policies. They will say they like Trump’s conservative policies and the GOP successes in 2017, but they will distance themselves from his erraticism and antics.

Most Democrats running for Congress will try to avoid the Trump factor altogether, and when questioned will focus on Trump’s personality foibles while downplaying the strong economy, tax reform and low unemployment. They will have to persuade voters that sending them to Congress to help the Democrats take over the House will be good for the country. Will the recent statement by the LDS Church that calls “upon our national leaders to create policies that provide hope and opportunities for … Dreamers” affect campaign strategy this year?

Pignanelli: I am so grateful for this necessary and appropriate proclamation. The true issue surrounding Dreamers is about families, hope and compassion. Unfortunately, the State of the Union address lumped these innocents with criminal elements. LDS leaders are providing the thoughtful approach.

Equally important, this statement challenges all federal officials. Republicans must address, and not ignore, Dreamers. The same holds true for Democrats, who cannot hold out for the perfect "clean" bill. They may have to make the sacrifice and swallow a bitter nasty pill that impacts future immigrants. The church, ever practical, is saying we must help those in immediate need.

Webb: Utah members of Congress want to protect the Dreamers and enact balanced immigration policies. As I’ve said previously, Republicans should compromise with Democrats on immigration, take care of the Dreamers, get some money for Trump’s wall, provide generous provisions for needed immigrant workers and declare a big victory. Approving comprehensive immigration reform would be an achievement that has eluded presidents and congresses for decades. Combined with other GOP policy successes, it would be an immense triumph leading to more Republican victories in November. If Trump was on the ballot in 2018, would he be re-elected?

Pignanelli: A leftist political analytical firm recently analyzed the Virginia gubernatorial election. They “nationalized” the results for a hypothetical presidential election and determined the Democrat would win the popular vote and the Republican would still win the Electoral College. Trump’s approval ratings are abysmal, but disgust with Washington, D.C., remains strong. So it's a function of competition and the economy. If the former is weak and the latter is strong, Trump could win again.

Webb: A liberal Washington Post commentator who dislikes Trump recently said if Trump’s persona for the last year matched his State of the Union speech, even with the same policy agenda, his approval rating today would be 10 points higher.

So Trump could win if he stays focused on policy, avoids trivial disputes, doesn’t unnecessarily offend people, call names or make vulgar references. But that’s a big if.

Democrats must also find a candidate who can beat him. Who’s that? Nobody in sight.

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Campaigns heat up and lawmakers take the stage

This week is the beginning of a major vortex in Utah politics. The Utah Legislature commences Monday, Mitt Romney is likely to announce within days — and we may get more snow — hopefully. We comment on all things not meteorological.

What will be the overriding issues for legislators this session?

Pignanelli: "The most practical kind of politics is the politics of decency.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Various forms of boogeymen have haunted humans for thousands of years, influencing emotions and reactions. For many Utah lawmakers, these terrors manifest themselves through ballot initiatives, although not one has passed in almost 20 years. The presence of six dreaded petition efforts will impact legislative deliberations in education funding, allowing medical marijuana, amending party nomination procedures and Medicaid expansion (but not reapportionment).

Massive changes to transportation — funding and delivery — will be reviewed. Last year, analysts provided incredible documentation to lawmakers of needed changes to business taxes to keep Utah competitive in corporate recruitment.

So this will be a nuts-and-bolts session of responding to real or perceived public emotions exhibited through initiatives. Boogeymen are warned!

Webb: Lawmakers will grapple with federal and state tax reform as their top priority. They will enjoy a modest amount of new revenue, but it won’t amount to much if they devote most new money to education — as they should. They will try to modernize Utah’s out-of-date tax structure and make it relevant to the new economy by broadening the tax base, while reducing rates to keep revenue neutral.

That will be very difficult because in the shuffle there will be winners and losers who won’t care as much about the big picture of tax modernization as tax hits to their own businesses. Tax reform is always harder in practice than in theory. There will also be a “user fee” theme in this session, with lawmakers attempting to

Pignanelli: Washington, D.C., is engaged in an important debate. Did the president use "hole" or "house" immediately after a derogatory word when describing other countries? Thus, many Utahns view Romney as badly needed parental supervision to this circus. Similarly, media pundits will paint him as the GOP "anti-Trump," guaranteeing national attention on his campaign.

Romney is cleverly tapping local emotional chords of how the nation can learn from Utah in governance, management, culture and lifestyle. As a longtime true believer of the "Utah way," I am pleased a former governor of Massachusetts is a fellow advocate of this phenomenon, albeit with a national stage.

Romney expressed to the Salt Lake Chamber that his business peers are concerned about climate change and manufacturing. This is a clear sign that he is willing to reflect a more global view of America's responsibility. For a state that needs free trade, this bodes well.

Webb: The theme of Romney’s campaign was clearly articulated: What Utah, a model of sanity and good management, can teach dysfunctional Washington. Not a bad theme. Romney is going to have to balance being, in a real sense, a national senator, attracting interest and visibility across the country, while also dealing with Utah issues and maintaining his connections and support at home.

His presentation at the chamber event was masterful and touching. I think he will be a terrific senator. However, it is unfathomable to me why Romney is still playing footsie and not saying that he’s running. He’s had many months to decide. He doesn’t need to have his campaign all geared up before he makes the commitment. All he has to do is say three little words: “Yes, I’m running.” That ends all the speculation, the maneuvering, the intrigue. It’s a silly game he’s playing.

Just when Americans thought it couldn't get any weirder in Washington, D.C., President Trump triggered a meltdown by using vulgarity in describing certain countries. What is the local fallout?

Pignanelli: No Mormon would ever make such statements. (As a Gentile, I say what others cannot.) One of the many reasons why Utah is wonderful is the fact that every year, thousands of LDS faithful come home from serving missions in various countries. They experience wonderful things about the people to whom they have been proselytizing. Thus, Utah officials must mirror their constituents and distance themselves from these awful descriptions.

Webb: To her credit, Congresswoman Mia Love, whose parents emigrated from Haiti, reacted forcefully to Trump’s regrettable comments. Utahns and Americans, once again, must decide if they are willing to separate Trump’s policy agenda and successes from his flawed personality and tone-deaf utterances. Some people, including some Republicans, can’t do it. Trump’s erraticism and boorishness are too much, and they’re willing to sacrifice conservative policy achievements because they hate Trump.

Personally, I don’t like Trump’s behavior, and I disagree with him on immigration and international trade, but I give him and the Republican Congress credit for some excellent policy achievements. I’m not willing to dump Trump if it means turning the country over to Nancy Pelosi and Bernie Sanders and their leftist policies. Trump isn’t going anywhere, and I doubt he’s going to change. So what’s worse for the country — a vulgar Trump, or higher taxes, bigger government, more regulation and a weaker military with the Democrats in charge?

require those who use services, such as transportation, to pay a large share of the costs. That could mean higher gas taxes and some limited toll roads (such as up Little Cottonwood Canyon). A restructuring of Utah Transit Authority is also likely.

Gov. Mitt Romney gave an optimistic and well-received speech at the Salt Lake Chamber’s economic summit last week. What can Utahns expect from Romney?

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Hatch retirement adds intrigue to 2018 Utah politics

The retirement of Sen. Orrin Hatch will create some excitement in Utah’s political world in 2018. (Yes, Frank, who predicted Hatch would run, has already eaten two flocks of crows. Webb is spiking the football.) We examine the ramifications.

What does Hatch’s departure mean for Utah political races, especially if former GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney enters the Senate contest (as of Thursday, when this column was written, Romney hadn’t announced his intentions)?

Pignanelli: "The Senate is the last primitive society in the world. We worship elders of the tribe and honor the territorial imperative." — Sen. Eugene McCarthy

As governor of Massachusetts, Romney pushed many initiatives, especially a successful universal health care program which greatly expanded medical coverage to his constituents and inspired a national effort (aka Obamacare). The successful Olympic president/CEO publicly, and fiercely, opposed Donald Trump in the primaries. So Romney has appeal to some Democrats and many independents.

Therefore, Utah Democratic Party officials should assess the new political situation and execute the following: express appreciation to their current senatorial candidates; enthusiastically endorse Romney as the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate; then promptly claim victory. Thus, Democrats seeking other offices can support him and benefit from a massive Romney generated turnout.

Obviously I'm joking (maybe), but Utah Democrats need some strategy. Romney will enthuse voters of all demographics. Further, any negative media against the adopted favorite son will backfire.

Other questions are percolating. Will Romney mirror Hatch by building a campaign machine? Does Romney run on his brand alone or engage in retail electioneering? How does he message his relationship with Trump?

Bless Hatch. Even his retirement makes politics unexpected and interesting.

Webb: Romney will obviously win, but he also gives Republicans a very strong candidate at the top of the ticket. That could help other Utah Republicans in tough races.

Will national left-wing and right-wing special-interest groups try to influence Utah's Senate race?

Pignanelli: Within minutes of Hatch’s announcement, extremist groups sent nasty emails to Utah politicos attacking Romney and encouraging others to get into the race. This will continue until they run out of money. Should Romney decline to run, dozens of contenders would file. In the vacuum of a clear front-runner, numerous organizations with various political affiliations will bombard voters by mail, television, print and social media.

Utahns do not take kindly to outsiders trying to influence our choice in leaders. So the only beneficiaries of all the external resources will be their local campaign operatives with a fat contract.

Webb: Political anarchist Steve Bannon was itching to try to defeat Romney, but after the monumental (and deserving) smackdown by President Trump, Bannon likely won’t be much of a factor. The other usual suspects — FreedomWorks, Club for Growth and Americans for Prosperity (the Koch group) — would be wise to keep their powder dry and not waste their energy trying to defeat Romney.

With Hatch's retirement, insiders are worried that Utah will suffer a loss of influence in the nation's capital. Will there be a void?

Pignanelli: Seniority is paramount in the allocation of federal resources to states — which Hatch utilized to benefit Utah. From Hill Air Force Base to medical technologies to charitable causes to research and development projects, Hatch’s largesse was incredible. The remaining congressional delegation and his replacement must work hard to keep even a substantial portion of these important dollars to our state.

Webb: Hatch’s clout, institutional knowledge and remarkable ability to get legislation passed will absolutely be missed. Hatch’s small-minded and cloistered critics in Utah have underestimated the power he has on the national stage and how much good he has done. His service has been extraordinary. No one works harder or is more focused.

That said, while Romney won’t have much seniority, he will have a bully pulpit that few new senators enjoy. He won’t have seniority, but he will have influence. That’s especially so because he will be expected to sometimes strike a course independent of Trump and the news media will frequently seek him out.

However, I’m predicting that Romney will get along better with Trump than many people expect. They will agree on many policy issues. Romney understands that you don’t solve the nation’s problems by being a marginalized bomb-thrower.

Romney could be a force for bringing partisans together and seeking bipartisan solutions. That will be difficult, as Hatch can attest, because there are very few centrist Democrats, and the Democratic agenda is essentially to obstruct progress and prevent the president and Republican Congress from getting any wins.

Compromise isn’t even in the vocabulary of leftist senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, who essentially dictate Democratic strategy.

Hatch still has a year of hard work ahead on many important issues. Romney still has to win the job.

Session is coming

Monday, January 22nd marks the commencement of Utah's 2018 General Legislative Session. Foxley & Pignanelli is hard at work preparing for the frenetic 45-day battle. Frank is stocking up on long underwear, Doug is putting his passport in the drawer, Aimee is planning an empty-office party, Machi is adding padded insoles to all of her high heels, and is and Renae is hanging up her spurs.  

For the duration of the legislative session, we will be working around the clock at the State Capitol. If you are in need of assistance, please contact us by email or on our cell phones. We will be monitoring our office voicemail as often as possible. 

There are several links below that are great resources pertaining to the legislative session:

View or search bills

Who are my legislators?

Legislative calendar   

Utah House of Representatives roster

Utah Senate roster

There are also some important dates during the legislative process that we wanted to make you aware of: 

Jan 22nd First day of the annual General Session

Jan 25th Last day for a legislator to designate priority  bill requests

Feb 1st Last day to approve bills for numbering without floor approval

Feb 24th Last day for the Legislature to presents a bill to the governor where the governor is required to act on the bill before the end of the session

Mar 8th Last day of session

Mar 28th Last day for governor to sign or veto bills

We look forward to working with you during the upcoming session. Cheers to a merry 45 days from your friends at Foxley & Pignanelli. 

General email account: 

Foxpig@fputah.com

Twitter: @foxandpig

Individual emails:

Douglas Foxley (801) 556-1940 Doug@fputah.com

Frank Pignanelli (801) 558-3826 Frank@fputah.com

Renae Cowley (801) 529-3209 Renae@fputah.com

Machi Johnson (801) 687-6425 Machi@fputah.com 

Aimee McConkie (801) 634-8910 Aimee@fputah.com

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Kindergarten politicians reveal wish lists

Pignanelli & Webb: Ah, Christmas Eve. That most magical evening when stockings are hung, visions of sugarplums dance in children’s heads and everyone makes a final check of wish lists, hoping that Santa comes through. Through our usual sources, we interviewed select politicians to see what was on their Christmas wish lists — back when they were 5 years old.

Pres. Donald Trump: “When I was 5 years old, I wrote Santa a letter telling him I just wanted to Make Kindergarten Great Again and I needed a new game called ‘Golf Resort Tycoon’ that I could play with the other rich kids. It was unbelievably great. I fired a few people, won so much I got sick of winning, and the rest is history.”

Sen. Orrin Hatch: “I was really indispensable in kindergarten, serving my fellow students remarkably well, and leading school lunch money reform. So I asked Santa to let me stay there. I had a few good decades in kindergarten, then went straight to the U.S. Senate.”

Sen. Bernie Sanders: "Santa gave me a Monopoly game when I was 5, which I resented because it glorified capitalism. But I invited my friends and distributed all the money, property and cards equally. No one could rent or sell anything. It was really boring, but no one cried because they lost."

Hillary Clinton: "I wanted a big bag of marbles. If I wasn’t winning marbles game, I would pick up my marbles and go home. We played by my rules or not at all.”

Mitt Romney: “I was elected president of my kindergarten class, and I wanted to appoint a lot of girls to important positions, like recess leader. So I asked Santa for binders full of girls.”

Congressman Rob Bishop: “I couldn’t sleep at all Christmas Eve because I was so excited. I really wanted a toy shotgun so I could pretend I was hunting sage grouse.”

Jason Chaffetz: “I was so excited Christmas morning when Santa brought me just what I wanted – a toy microphone. I made my little brother and sister interview me until they started crying.”

House Speaker Greg Hughes: “I had a rough childhood, so I wanted boxing gloves when I was 5, and Santa came through. I wore them everywhere and solved the homeless crisis in my neighborhood by beating up the drug dealers and pimps.”

Congresswoman Mia Love: “I wanted a Velma Dinkley doll, the brainy member of the Scooby Doo gang. She did all the work and solved the mysteries while the boys sat around and ate Scooby snacks.”

Gov. Gary Herbert: "Santa gave me toys to build a play neighborhood when I was 5. Then we created make-believe neighborhood problems and I organized summits to talk about them. We never solved any problems, but we had a lot of summits.”

Congressman Chris Stewart: "I asked for a toy typewriter and I wrote my first book: ‘The Seven Miracles that Saved Kindergarten.’”

SL Chamber CEO Lane Beattie: “I just loved Smurfs. Still do. All so lovable and cuddly. It’s a great philosophy for life.”

Sen. Mike Lee: "I was just like any other normal 5-year-old who wanted to dress up like a favorite superhero. My friends did tease me a bit about the white powdered wig and fluffy shirt of my James Madison costume.”

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox: "I got a Skeletor costume. I really enjoyed being evil and nasty. Then I felt bad about it."

Senate Pres. Wayne Niederhauser: "When I was 5 I got a Hungry Hippo game. Playing with my friends, it was boisterous, chaotic and fights broke out. Just like dealing with House members today.”

Utah Democratic Party Chair Daisy Thomas: "I got a Rubik's cube when I was 5. It was exasperating, frustrating and soul-crushing. Perfect preparation for my current job.”

Utah Republican Party Chair Rob Anderson: "I received a videotape of the first Star Wars movie when I was 5. I watched the bar scene over and over. Perfect preparation for dealing with the State Central Committee.”

Salt Lake County Council member and U.S. Senate candidate Jenny Wilson: "Dolls, schmalz. I got some Tonka trucks. This avoided the awful gender stereotyping and allowed me to play with the boys."

Attorney General Sean Reyes: “I loved my Dick Tracy watch that helped me pretend to catch bad guys. Plus it had a coder/decoder so I could hide my secret rap music.”

Congressman John Curtis: “When I was 5 I got boring games like Scrabble for Christmas, but I always found ways to make them entertaining. That came in handy when I tried to make Provo less boring. Running for Congress was easy compared to making Provo seem exciting.”

Frank R. Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: Post-turkey political gratitude on Thanksgiving weekend

Politicians have much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving weekend (especially the patience of voters). Using a number of investigative techniques (learned from the Russians), we were able to detect the expressions of gratitude by politicians.

Political commentators and think tank talking heads: "We are grateful that Republican tax reform legislation is so complicated that any comments we make about it cannot be easily refuted. Makes us look smart."

Potential statewide candidates in the next three election cycles: "We admire and respect the tremendous stewardship Matt Holland provided Utah Valley University. May his mission be successful and long."

New Congressman John Curtis: "I will always be grateful for the vision and courage of the leaders behind Count My Vote. Otherwise, I would soon be the next ex-mayor of Provo."

Gov. Gary Herbert: "I admire the commitment Speaker Greg Hughes has to solving the homeless issue. Keeps him focused and away from my priorities.”

National Democrats: "We are grateful for the tenacity and bull-headedness of Judge RoyMoore in the Alabama special election. We hope he hangs in there."

National Republicans: “We are thankful for Democratic Sen. Al Franken and that granddaddy of all the dirty-old-men, Bill Clinton, who show Democrats are equal-opportunity harassers.

Women everywhere (and correct-thinking men): “We appreciate the brave women who have come forward and have changed the climate to make such tawdry actions unacceptable. Sexual harassment clearly knows no political boundaries and occurs at every level of society.”

Congressional Democrats: "We are so thankful for President Donald Trump, the Alabama special election, Russia and Steve Bannon. We don’t have an agenda or any vision, but our theme, ‘We’re Not Them!’ may deliver the House for us in 2018."

Congressional Republicans: We are thankful for the authors of the U.S. Constitution — especially for provisions allowing state legislatures to draw congressional boundaries. It may be the only way we survive 2018."

National pollsters, pundits, campaign experts, lobbyists and political wise men: “We are grateful for the chaos that exists in politics today. The more the turmoil, the more they need us.”

News media owners: "We’re grateful we can hold conflicting positions at the same time. We are outraged at Trump for calling us ‘fake news,’ but are appreciative that his antics are giving us the highest ratings ever.”

Former Utah governor and current ambassador to Russia Jon Huntsman Jr.: "I'm grateful to have had the presence of mind to endorse Trump in 2016. Given the inevitable downfall of Rex Tillerson, I’m on the fast track for secretary of state."

Sen. Orrin Hatch: "I'm grateful that all those wannabes who covet my Senate seat fully understand that I will leave when I'm good and ready — and not before.”

Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams: "I have much to be thankful for: evil pharmaceutical companies just begging for a lawsuit … constitutional provisions allowing congressional candidates to live outside their districts … the Trump atmosphere that has weakened my opponent Mia Love. …"

Congresswoman Mia Love: "I’m grateful for voters’ understanding that a vote for my opponent Ben McAdams is a vote to turn over the U.S. House to Nancy Pelosi and her high-tax, big-government, left-wing cohorts.”

Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Jenny Wilson. "I'm grateful for the continued health and vibrancy of Orrin Hatch. May he stay in the race.”

Advertising agencies, TV and radio stations, graphic artists: We are deeply grateful for the cornucopia of blessings our democracy delivers, especially the super PACs and activist billionaires. May they prosper and raise ever more money for their right-wing and left-wing causes — and spend it on us.”

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox: "I’m thankful that political lightning can strike — that a set of completely unforeseen circumstances can catapult a kid from Fairview into contention for Utah’s highest political office. 2020 is coming fast!”

Congressman Rob Bishop: "I'm grateful for a friendly administration that understands public lands and the rural people who depend on them. I won’t need to resurrect my Public Lands Initiative to shrink the Bears Ears and Escalante Staircase national monuments because Trump is going to do it.”

Attorney General Sean Reyes: "Just being normal gives me good approval ratings."

Sen. Mike Lee: "Amid the tumult in Washington, I’m grateful to have mostly avoided the circus atmosphere while writing my book on … what else? — the Constitution (and it has been well received by historians).”

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: “I'm grateful to Orrin for clearing the decks. Now if Orrin will only jump ship. …"

Congressman Chris Stewart: "I’m grateful for those Hill Air Force Base F-35s rumbling across the skies of Davis and Weber counties. Nothing like the world’s most fiercesome fighter jet to strike fear in the hearts of America’s enemies.”

Pignanelli & Webb: We’re grateful for roasted turkey and pumpkin pie topped with whipped-cream — and for the relative calm and sanity of Utah politics as the national political scene erupts in near-chaos.