Memorial Day weekend is the traditional kickoff for candidates in primary elections to focus with intensity on targeted voters, and for other campaigns to finalize their general election strategies (actually, we just made that up, but it sounds good). Many candidates will use the same old, boring, unappealing messaging. As a public service to our political warriors engaged in election battles, we offer suggestions for statements that will surely capture attention.
Gov. Gary Herbert and Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox: "You know what? We really must be doing a great job! 8,000 billboards can't be wrong.”
GOP gubernatorial challengers Jonathan Johnson and Robyn Bagley: "Vote Johnson/Bagley. Supported by the biggest, baddest, right-wing SuperPAC in the country. Blame Freedom Works for any negative ads and increased pandering to the far-right.”
Democratic governor/lieutenant governor candidates Mike Weinholtz and Kim Bowman:“Hey, we are hip, progressive, and tech savvy — the cool candidates loved by the wine-and-cheese crowd. We’re fine being sacrificial lambs as long as it’s grass-fed.”
Third District Congressman Jason Chaffetz: “Jason Chaffetz. Fighting for Utah. Harassing Hillary. Haranguing federal bureaucrats. Shortening your wait time in TSA lines. You are welcome.”
U.S. Sen. Mike Lee: "How times change. Join the Utah political establishment in sending Mike Lee back to Washington."
Utah State Auditor John Dougall: “Re-elect Frugal Dougall in 2016. The slogan worked in 2012 and I'm too cheap to find a new one. So remember it or I’ll audit your grandmother!"
Third District GOP candidate Chia-Chi Teng: “You don’t know me, but I’m the guy running those radio ads against Chaffetz. Sure, there’s not much space to the right of Chaffetz, but I’m going to own it!”
Democratic U.S. Senate candidates Misty K. Snow and Jonathan Swinton: “Please. Please. Sure, the odds are slim against Sen. Lee. But we know at least three voters in the lower Avenues who will support a Democrat. Thank you.”
Fourth District Congresswoman Mia Love: "Mia played nice in the last election. This year, if Owens gets close, you’re going to see Mama Bear Mia!"
Fourth District Democratic congressional candidate Doug Owens: "Don't pay attention to Owens’ party affiliation. He certainly does not."
Second District Congressman Chris Stewart:"Support Chris Stewart — the congressman you don’t know. Given the unpopularity of Congress, there’s no better qualification."
Second District Democratic congressional candidate Charlene Alberran: "Charlene is a leader. Charlene is a high-tech trendsetter. Charlene was the first candidate with an electronic billboard.”
Utah Democrats: “Trump. Trump. Trump. Trump. Trump. Trump. You may not like Hillary, but she is not Trump. By the way, Trump, Trump, Trump and Trump.”
Utah Republicans: “Trump? Who’s Trump? In Utah, all politics are local."
First District Congressman Rob Bishop: "What?! There is another election? So soon? It’s time to roll out the non-campaign, raise no money, make no campaign appearances, and still win going away.”
Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams: "Mayor Gentle Ben. The safe, non-crazy, rational Democrat endorsed by Republican bigwigs. Vote for Ben because you really want to see that gubernatorial matchup in four years between McAdams and Cox!"
Salt Lake County mayor challenger David Robinson: "Dave Robinson — the efficient candidate who reused his signs, literature and buttons from his race for Salt Lake City mayor last year."
State Sen. Curt Bramble: "Vote Bramble. Without him state government will collapse and the Capitol will crumble. Do not risk it."
Former state Rep. Christopher Herrod and challenger to Bramble: "Vote against Bramble because he welcomed more Utahns into the political process by sponsoring SB54! He diminished the power of party machine insiders like me! Wait a minute, that was a great message to delegates, but maybe it needs updating.”
House Minority Leader Brian King: "Many Republicans support Democrat Brian. They have to — he is unopposed."
State Sen. Jim Dabakis: “Dabakis in 2016. Your proud progressive sticking it to Republicans, conservatives, the Deseret News, the Utah Establishment, BYU, the LDS Church and anyone else on his enemies list. He will not be silenced! And please send money.” (Note: Dabakis does not have a race this cycle, but he campaigns anyway.)
Frank Pignanelli and LaVarr Webb: "Please read Pig/Webb each week and send us suggestions for future columns. We have to up our game now that the Tribune might actually survive.”